"I Don't Care"

I find it fascinating to pay attention to the places where I will say or more accurately use the term “I don’t care” in a situation where that just isn’t true.  Sometimes it is so far from the truth – but I am actually using this term as a protection because I DO care – and I probably care a lot, and I probably wish I wasn’t having some of the feelings I am having.  I probably wish I didn’t care – but truth is I do.

Now of course there are times when we really don’t care. Do you want to sit next to the window or on the bench seat in a restaurant - “I don’t care” is probably accurate if said in this scenario. Somebody is challenging us or not being kind and we respond with “I don’t care” - good chance that isn’t really true.

I have come to realize through my own observance of self and through years of having the opportunity to ask the deeper question in client sessions - “yeah, but do you really not care or are you just saying that?” - that we really do care. That is just the plain ol’ human truth. Through observation of self – I have seen where I will use that phrase as a protection. As if, if I say it to myself and out loud to another it will buffer my feelings around what is happening. And many times when I stop and check in, the truth is that I do actually care. Now where and how much do I care, well that depends on the people and situation. But I care – bottom line.

When we say we don’t care what people think, I want to call BS, at least on a portion of that. There are probably certain circles and degrees of friendships/acquaintances that we don’t really care what they think. But when we get into the closer knit community – I think we do care. I think we all care what people think, but we try to condition ourselves out of caring. Because once we admit we care there can be a whole host of domino effects.

Maybe we start to behave in ways that don’t feel good to us or are out of alignment, or we choose into things or don’t follow our passions because we care. We care what our loved ones and close friends think. We want to be accepted, we don’t want to hurt anybody's feelings, we don’t want to be judged. This is just human stuff guys. I see it day in and day out, and I live it day in and day out. The illusion here is that we think if we can dupe ourselves into thinking we don’t care, then we can get on with whatever it is we are doing and we will be protected against having our feelings hurt, or some version of this.

What I know to be true for me, is that when I can tell myself the truth - “I CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK!”- and get honest with myself about that, then I can still make decisions that I know I need or want to make that may or may not ruffle some feathers or induce some thoughts or judgements. I can honor myself and follow what is true to me. All the while caring what my friends and family might think.

When I hear myself say, I don’t care, I will stop and take inventory of whether that is true or not. It can be as simple as “would you like to go to Indian or Mexican for dinner tonight?” -- “I don’t care”. And maybe sometimes I don’t, but sometimes I do. I have a desire, I want what I want. So why not just choose instead of saying I don’t care? Why am I deferring my desire or opinion into the realm of I don’t care and letting another choose? Especially when I have a choice, I was asked! There can be so many reasons why, the list is endless but most likely, it boils down to not wanting to upset another, not feeling like we are worthy of having our opinion or desires met, and on and on.

It is an eye-opening exercise when we start to investigate into the deeper layers of “I don’t care”. I have found that when I turn toward the thing and acknowledge that I do care, that my feelings are hurt by something somebody has done or said, then I get to address what is mine. Honor my feelings and why, and then I can move through whatever it is. But defaulting into the untrue realms of not caring – that is only doing a dis-service to myself.

Our second chakras deal with our emotions and feelings (as do all of them really) but the 2nd is most strongly rooted in our emotions and feelings. We are so accustomed to tuning out our true feelings. We push them down, damp them with some kind of coping mechanism or little untruths we tell ourselves. This clogs up this chakra and prohibits its full effective functionality. To be in tune with our feelings and emotions and allow them to be what they are.

Now how we act on our feelings is a whole other dance requiring some artistry in some cases – but it is necessary to honor how we are feeling and for the love of God at least be honest with ourselves. If we continue the habit of lying to ourselves, then we are closing down a part of our soul. This isn’t very sustainable in the long run. Can it work in the short term, sure and it works pretty well, but those buried emotions will resurface, they always do. This is not news, we know this. We have probably all had the lived experience of having those tucked away visitors come back, and sometimes 10-fold, and fire at people whom these emotions aren’t even about.

The simple, but not always easy exercise to mitigate this, is to allow yourself to care. To say to yourself, “I DO care”. I have feelings about this and allow the process to unfold.

We are in some intense times of change right now. Just in the last 2 weeks I have had 3 people reach out and tell me that they were laid off due to companies restructuring. Which in turn is opening or sometimes it feels more like forcing them to restructure also. Collectively there is a lot of shift and change. There is an ask for a pivot and restructuring – and if you are one who is experiencing this – let yourself care. Care about your feelings in all of what is being navigated and know that you are the only one in charge of how you navigate your life. You can care and not be caught on the Victim Triangle, you can care, and not blame others, you can care, and still choose you.

Blessings to all as we surf through the summer of 2024!!!

Author Credit: Dannielle Bryan, Owner of Shamanic Twist Institute in Kamas, Utah and Masterclass Instructor